I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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