this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
