"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
