barbara walters just said penis...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
