sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Small penises have feelings too.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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