Midget sex pt 2 tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
