she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
