And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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