I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
