dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
