Can i not drive my cunt home
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
