tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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