so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You did what with his pubic hair?
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