Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
