We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
