Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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