This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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