If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
