U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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