She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
