I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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