I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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