How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
