finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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