Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
