Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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