Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
