If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
