Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my shit smells like andre
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
