you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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