I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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