Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am one with the molecules
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
