i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
