my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
