I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
