Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
