Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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