guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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