There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I touched a dick in church today
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
