I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
