i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
