i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
