i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
