Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
