...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
