I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize