I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Panties = found
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
