oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
