i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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