So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
