I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
