My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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