mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
