home. puking in laundry basket.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
