Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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