she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
