When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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