i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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