dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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