We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
