The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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