Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
