Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
