Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
