I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
