when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
