If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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