this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
