i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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