Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
